Last week, we wrote here about the need for lgbt couples to secure marriage-like legal documentation—advanced healthcare directives, living wills and power of attorney—to protect them in cases of illness and emergency. Today, Washington Blade contributor Rebecca Armendariz penned, “Losing the Love of My Life: There is nothing more painful than the death of a partner—except being denied hospital visitation.”
Rebecca is a straight ally who recently lost her partner, Clark, to melanoma. For the 16 months that Clark was sick, Rebecca was constantly by his side. And in those 16 months, not one doctor or nurse or hospital orderly denied Rebecca access to her dying partner, despite their status as an unmarried couple. Rebecca and Clark notably did not possess healthcare directives or power of attorney.
For those of us who have never experienced such a tragedy, it is impossible to know the pain and heartbreak of losing the one you love the most. But, Rebecca says, it “would have been exponentially more difficult if we were a same-sex couple.”
Case in point: When Lisa Pond collapsed from an aneurysm, the Florida hospital where she was admitted allowed Pond’s three children and her partner of 18 years, Janice Langbehn, five minutes to visit just before she died. Five minutes. After 18 years together, the couple had just five minutes to say goodbye.
Lambda Legal has since taken the Langbehn case, which seeks to establish much-needed precedent for hospital visitation issues among unmarried couples—couples like Lisa and Janice and like Rebecca and Clark.
Stories like these make it clear that the Marriage Equality Movement is not just about marriage. No doubt Lisa and Janice felt themselves married—we do not need the government to sanction our relationships. But the need for marriage equality is so much more dire than the right to shout our love from the rooftops or even to save some money on our taxes. Marriage is a human right, one that guarantees that every person is allowed to care, and be cared for by, another. Nobody wants to die alone. And nobody should have to.
![We hear the horror stories over and over again: Married couples and domestic partners are constantly disrespected and discriminated against at hospitals, by their insurance companies and employers (as 29-year-old Kristin Orbin recalls, ”As I was laying [in the hospital] all alone, I wondered how many people from the LGBTQ community die by themselves because they are denied a basic right,” here). We are even denied the cost benefits of marriage when we go to rent a car or join a gym — and even in states where marriage equality is the law of the land.
In California, where there are an estimated 18,000 recognized gay married couples despite a ban on marriage equality, interpretation of the law is grey territory. Our lawyer, Linda Scaparotti (who, by the way, is amazing and highly recommended) advised us to never, repeat never, leave home without our laminated healthcare power of attorney cards (not to mention the living will etc, etc that she helped us put in place). Even armed with all this legal chain mail, she warned that our protection is never guaranteed.
Should you find yourself up discrimination creek without a “traditional” marriage license (knock on wood!), check out Lambda Legal’s California Marriage Watch. This is a great resource for couples on shaky legal ground, with FAQs and a help hotline. We hope like hell you don’t have to take legal action. But if you do, these are your peeps.](http://28.media.tumblr.com/tcHe4vHPYpl3ps04t0NS0YRYo1_400.jpg)
